Frustrated. Like I can't take how scores are so important for students. I mean like I get em because it shows progress and the level of knowledge the students are at, but my heart breaks and I feel like screaming all at the same time when I get my average back on assessments that I give to my kids in class. As I teach I realize that my weaknesses are magnified as well as my strengths. I hate tests. always have, always will. But I mean, life if filled with them, literally and figuratively. But I hate it and nothing will change that. It shows whatever is being assessed in a numerical form easy for distinction between pass or fail. Growing up I used to get a test back from 1st grade to college/career exams and would close my eyes and slowly open one eyelid then the next to see what the verdict was, pass or failure. When really I'd think 'loser' or 'winner.' I feel the same way when I give my kids exams. I just want success. I want them to feel victory. I want them to feel like they got this. I want them to be like I can, I know. Maybe it has to do with me being a first year. Maybe I suck at giving tests.
And all I wanna do is just rip the test up and throw the pieces in the air and go, "THIS DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!"
I'm told to give a test by big brother, and I concede. But wait, what should we do to see where the kids are at academically and if they will succeed in life, I HAVE NO IDEA.
I feel pressure, and I want to just play a movie in class and give up.
#firstyear #suckitbigbrother #numb
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