1. Never speak well of your husband.
When in public always flaunt the flaws of your spouse in order to make yourself look better and to show that you have a good, healthy fear of man.
2. Use words like "always" and "never" when in arguments.
This is a MUST! When in the heat of an argument you must you these words to clearly point out the weak areas in your man. And if you realize he only sometimes does the things your are highlighting in your argument, exaggerate. Using these infinite words allows you to make it more of a bigger deal and calm down any verbal disputes that might arise. The key is to make small things bigger.
3. "Let's get a divorce, then!" should always be used as a threat to get your way.
Fear and shame are helpful ways to manipulate your hubby. So use them! Think of them as a tool to get your selfish way.
4. Write down on a whiteboard or chalkboard all the good things and all the bad things he does.
Some husbands are visual learners. So be sure to cater to him by looking at a representation of just how much better you are than he is (using tallies can be helpful too).
5. Always blame your mistakes on 'that time of the month.'
Need I say more? Take advantage of being born a woman.
6. Use mental games.
Being really passive aggressive really keeps things fresh and exciting. The key is to never say how you actually feel; he should know.
7. Attach Bible verses to everything.
Please take Scripture out of context and use it how you will to prove your point. This is another great way to manipulate your spouse in to feeling guilty and making you look super good! You will always be that perfect Proverbs 31 and he will never be that 1 Tim 3:1-7 or Titus 1:5-9 man.
8. Capitalize on your 'weakness.'
Use your weakness as a woman to make him do everything. He has muscles for a reason.
9. Withhold your body from him.
He needs to earn this. Plus, he still needs to make up and apologize for that huge list of his wrongs you recently showed him.
10. Condescend, Condescend, Condescend
Make him feel like a child. It really get's your point across, and allows you to take your aggression out on him for all of the other crap you've had to deal with during the day.
11. Always keep your options open.
This looks different for different women. Keep that Christian Mingle account posted, spend extra time getting to personally know male co-workers, or don't wear your wedding ring sometimes. You never know when you have to compare your husband to other men who seemingly 'get you' more.
12. Lastly, throw in the towel.
If things get to challenging, you're not happy anymore, or they are not the same person you married it's time to call it. Its all about what they can give you (example: boy from The Giving Tree). I'm sorry to say it's over, and you have failed.
SIKE! I'm just kidding. I really DO NOT encourage you to implement any of these tactics, EVER. This post is a response to the many 'must do' lists Facebook posts I have been seeing, as of late, on my newsfeed. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good Buzzfeed, Relevant, and Huffington Post list every now and again. I also think that some of those helpful marriage lists are a good way to disseminate some tips and concerns to the masses for the Christian marriage. However, let us not become so addicted to these to-do lists to be a quick , microwave-like cure to our marital woes. Must we become so disarrayed by the endless lists of our short-comings and our spouses short-comings, in our own effort, that we end up distracted from understanding the true source of love seen in the person and work of Jesus Christ. By understanding the self-sacrificial, humble, and restorative love Christ displayed by taking the punishment of sin on Himself we can begin to experience that same restoration and sustaining commitment in our marriages Our marital success is not based in our own efforts for its unity and perseverance, but rather in Him who is gracious to forgive, restore, and unify sinful humanity to Himself.
