Attention: 12 Things You Must Know for A Great Marriage

The following come from a long hard time of research and development as I have desired to learn the key to a healthy, hot, and long-lasting marriage.  I hope this list really aids you in your journey to forever unity.


1. Never speak well of your husband.
When in public always flaunt the flaws of your spouse in order to make yourself look better and to show that you have a good, healthy fear of man.

2. Use words like "always" and "never" when in arguments.
This is a MUST!  When in the heat of an argument you must you these words to clearly point out the weak areas in your man.  And if you realize he only sometimes does the things your are highlighting in your argument, exaggerate.  Using these infinite words allows you to make it more of a bigger deal and calm down any verbal disputes that might arise. The key is to make small things bigger.

3. "Let's get a divorce, then!" should always be used as a threat to get your way.
Fear and shame are helpful ways to manipulate your hubby.  So use them!  Think of them as a tool to get your selfish way.

4. Write down on a whiteboard or chalkboard all the good things and all the bad things he does.
Some husbands are visual learners.  So be sure to cater to him by looking at a representation of just how much better you are than he is (using tallies can be helpful too).

5. Always blame your mistakes on 'that time of the month.'
Need I say more?  Take advantage of being born a woman.

6. Use mental games.
Being really passive aggressive really keeps things fresh and exciting.  The key is to never say how you actually feel; he should know.

7. Attach Bible verses to everything.
Please take Scripture out of context and use it how you will to prove your point. This is another great way to manipulate your spouse in to feeling guilty and making you look super good! You will always be that perfect Proverbs 31 and he will never be that 1 Tim 3:1-7 or Titus 1:5-9 man.

8. Capitalize on your 'weakness.'
Use your weakness as a woman to make him do everything.  He has muscles for a reason.

9. Withhold your body from him.
He needs to earn this. Plus, he still needs to make up and apologize for that huge list of his wrongs you recently showed him.

10. Condescend, Condescend, Condescend
Make him feel like a child.  It really get's your point across, and allows you to take your aggression out on him for all of the other crap you've had to deal with during the day.

11. Always keep your options open.
This looks different for different women. Keep that Christian Mingle account posted, spend extra time getting to personally know male co-workers, or don't wear your wedding ring sometimes.  You never know when you have to compare your husband to other men who seemingly 'get you' more.

12. Lastly, throw in the towel.
If things get to challenging, you're not happy anymore, or they are not the same person you married it's time to call it.  Its all about what they can give you (example: boy from The Giving Tree).  I'm sorry to say it's over, and you have failed.

SIKE!  I'm just kidding.  I really DO NOT encourage you to implement any of these tactics, EVER.  This post is a response to the many 'must do' lists Facebook posts I have been seeing, as of late, on my newsfeed.  Don't get me wrong, I enjoy a good Buzzfeed, Relevant, and Huffington Post list every now and again.  I also think that some of those helpful marriage lists are a good way to disseminate some tips and concerns to the masses for the Christian marriage.  However, let us not become so addicted to these to-do lists to be a quick , microwave-like cure to our marital woes. Must we become so disarrayed by the endless lists of our short-comings and our spouses short-comings, in our own effort, that we end up distracted from understanding the true source of love seen in the person and work of Jesus Christ.  By understanding the self-sacrificial, humble, and restorative love Christ displayed by taking the punishment of sin on Himself we can begin to experience that same restoration and sustaining commitment in our marriages  Our marital success is not based in our own efforts for its unity and perseverance, but rather in Him who is gracious to forgive, restore, and unify sinful humanity to Himself.

I have a nightmare

I have a nightmare.

I have a nightmare one rooted deep within the injustices and partiality we find in the American education system.

I have a nightmare that one day this nation will crumble under and live out the reality that "some men are more equal than others"

I have a nightmare that one day this will trickle down to the most precious piece to our economic/social/country's future: our youth.

Unfortunately, I didn't awake from this dream. It's my reality. My cause. My drive. Eventhough I know that the public education system will never be healed because sin has effected all things, I'm still motivated to strive for excellence in my teaching. I trample over the comments of the teachers who curse their students with their condescending advice and dead-beat dad attitudes. They can roll their stone somewhere else, because this educator will always believe in her students come rain or shine. i am convinced there are no bad students, just bad teachers.

Mirror

I want to make learning an outlet not only to escape the realities my kids encounter on a daily basis but as a means of power to illuminate the lamp of their future. The road less traveled.

I want them to some how walk in my classroom and have their life messed up by my intense love and intentional teaching that is both rigorous and relevant My big prayer is that each kid would know walking in and out of my class that they are loved by me for who they are, who they can become, and what they were made for. Presently I have this huge burden for the 'bad kids' the 'throw always' the ones that some wait to see in prison and out of their hair.

God has given me the appropriate amount of grace specifically created, measured, and designed to administer for such a time as this to my kids. A kind of grace that has the transparency of Christ when held up to the light reflecting on my students. I like the throw-aways. The rebels and the hard to reach kids.

'Why?' I wondered one day? Like why does my heart beat for these kids? Why is there nothing but compassion that comes to my mind when I think of these kids by name?

Then it hit me: that was once me.

God looked upon my rebellion, my mess and granted me freedom and gave me a second chance. He rescued me, showed me what I was made for, purchased me, now continues to poor out unmerited favor on me a: a rough kid.

If I have been treated so unfairly well, beyond what is deserved how can I fail to do the same to my kids?

all a mess

I frequently see myself as youthful, I mean I'm in my early twenties and still consider TGIF as one of the best times in television.  So ya I'm young.  When it comes to relating to my students, I do not have a problem whatsoever.  Which is a blessing from the Lord, but my youthfulness can become a bit annoying.  For instance, today I stopped by Old Navy to check out some sales and as I was perusing through the skinnies on the display table that were only $16.99 I saw someone I knew, a student.  So I did what any normal person would do when they see someone they know.  I called out her name and greeted her with the ever popular colloquial phrase 'what's up?'  She peered up and squinted her eyes to see if she knew who it was that was speaking to her.  Nothing but confusion could be read on her face. Then that's when the reality hit me, I had no makeup on, I was in my workout clothes and looked all a mess and I could pass for a 15-year old.  I had to tell her it was me and apologize for my unsightly appearance.  She felt incredibly uncomfortable so I quickly ended the small talk and found another sale rack to inspect.  I totally forgot I'm not forever a college student and act like I have no responsibilities with what I wear and look like, I have students I look after.

To add to my issues with my age, frequently my kids think that I dress like them, a good and bad thing at times.  But when I have no time in the morning or wanna be comfortable I pull my hair in a pony, put my jeans on, hoodie and converse and I'm on to teaching in my classroom.  Kids will stop my lecture/teaching and raise their hand just to tell me, as if I hadn't already noticed, that I don't look like a teacher and that I look like an 8th grader/high schooler.  Super.  But I guess that is better than the alternative.

Regardless of the fact that my 8th graders and I wear the same size and shop at the same stores, I will be me and express myself as long and as much as I am able too, so long as it's on sale. :)

bad bitches, diapers and midriffs

The other day I was interacting with this adorable baby girl who kept peering over her shoulder and played the ever-popular hide and seek with the chair next to her with me.  As we kept making eye contact we pass each other a toothy smile the kind the makes your eyes squint and your nose wrinkle.  Her sweetness made me fall in love with her.  Innocence.  Cute little cheeks you could squeeze all day and tender eyes that looked at you and reminded you that there is good in this world.

Then a searing thought burned through my eyes as they shown the expression of my question that crumbled the enjoyment of this game.

When will she be told she's gotta be a bad bitch?

It hit me, when will she succumb to the weight of the pseudo-truth played over through lyrics, movies, media: Be a bad bitch. That's what men really want from you.

When will it hit her?

When she's watching the previews to the latest movie her older cousins take her to?

When she's listen to the radio as she's taken to school?

When she's forced to some sexual act with a boy?

This baby girl, still in diapers, but I knew that moment will come soon.

As I look around I see what she will be, what she has coming..... 10 and 11-year-old girl midriffs out to tease and please the eyes of the boys around them.  Girls, just able to read chapter books, aiming to  grab the attention of the pre-pubescent boys against the wall. That was me, I did the same thing strutting around with my midriff just enough to tease with the curve of my body, thong slightly out to beg the notice of those walking by.

That moment of false clarity, well, it was more like lies, happened to me when I was in jr high.  I remember  locking myself in my room turning on KISS FM and playing the latest most vulgar hip hop song that was popular at the time.  I got a high from it.  I would sleep with my headphones in imagining me, being one of those girls they were rapping about because then, then I would feel love by a man.  I mean it only made sense to me.  It was almost like a love and a curse because I would imagine myself like one of those video girls or the ones in the songs I would find almost like a how-to manual to get a man and be what I need to be for him which led to a goal that I must meet, but then I knew I couldn't.  I took it as truth.  Although I never acted on those impulses in their fullness, they still stunted my growth leaving me with a constant struggle to this day.

My salvation is secure, I know Christ is my atoning sacrifice, my debt has been paid for and I'm graciously loved my a man who cares for my soul and will marry me soon.  BUT I struggle.  I know the truth, and God has given me victory and truth to hold on to, but this world is covered in sin and even being grown the Holy Spirit has to remind me of my worth and stability in him and not the empty lies the enemy whispers in my ear 'marina, don't you wanna be a bad bitch too, come on, its better, more fun.'

I relate to my girls because I know.  I know this world and its a constant struggle, and I have even been kept from a lot and its still a constant war of my soul.  I teach to point out the lies dressed in sexy beats and attractive men that want more than what we need to give to them.  I teach to change a pattern of depravity.  I teach so they can, on their own, identify lies and stomp em out.

I teach so they know they don't gotta be a bad bitch, but to glorify God as a woman and enjoy him forever.

Bad bitch?  Not this one.

ass-essments

Frustrated.  Like I can't take how scores are so important for students.  I mean like I get em because it shows progress and the level of knowledge the students are at, but my heart breaks and I feel like screaming all at the same time when I get my average back on assessments that I give to my kids in class.  As I teach I realize that my weaknesses are magnified as well as my strengths.  I hate tests. always have, always will.  But I mean, life if filled with them, literally and figuratively.  But I hate it and nothing will change that.  It shows whatever is being assessed in a numerical form easy for distinction between pass or fail.  Growing up I used to get a test back from 1st grade to college/career exams and would close my eyes and slowly open one eyelid then the next to see what the verdict was, pass or failure.  When really I'd think 'loser' or 'winner.'  I feel the same way when I give my kids exams.  I just want success.  I want them to feel victory.  I want them to feel like they got this.  I want them to be like I can, I know.  Maybe it has to do with me being a first year.  Maybe I suck at giving tests.

And all I wanna do is just rip the test up and throw the pieces in the air and go, "THIS DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING!!!"

I'm told to give a test by big brother, and I concede.  But wait, what should we do to see where the kids are at academically and if they will succeed in life, I HAVE NO IDEA.

I feel pressure, and I want to just play a movie in class and give up.

#firstyear #suckitbigbrother #numb

relate or get out of the classroom

Today I intro-ed my poetry unit by having our song of the week be Unconditional Love by Tupac and then the students heard an interview of him when he was just 17 years old.  My kids were instantly silent and perfect school boys and girls.  Literally, as soon as they heard Tupac's voice, they were all ears, sitting up straight, and even straining themselves to get their ear closer to my ihome.  Why?  Because they heard themselves.  They heard a voice, another "them" talking through the speakers.  Through rap they are vulnerable.  Through rap they are at home.  Through rap they are calm and comfortable.

Every time there is language in a song, interview, video clip or story I have to give them a heads up and apologize for the inappropriate words being spoken (just in case I get a parent who contacts me and tells me I'm feeding their child's mind garbage).  And each time they say, "Stop Miss Fernandez, this is real life.  This is real."  My kids are the best detectors of fakers.  They even call me out on it sometimes (even though I try to hide it, they know).  Today my most rowdy kid in class who is involved in a family of gangs, violence, and drugs. Who's only outlet for attention is in the classroom when he misbehaves instead of love from his father says to me, with a smile on his face and eyes lit up, "Man, I'm really into this stuff right here, this is real to me.  This is dope."  I stopped for a moment asked him to repeat what he just said not because I didn't hear what he said, even though that's what I told him, but because I was amazed by his attraction to the material when I brought it home to him, simply by having a relatable person speak to the material that must be taught.  I made school relevant, and I won their attention......... for now.